POOP

I don't know why this story makes me want to blog. Maybe it's because I know deep down inside I will laugh about it some day but tonight I feel like I need to share. What I'm about to tell is 100% true because I have no need to lie. For those who know me well might not be surprised to hear my experience but this is what happened at Target tonight. I dropped of Brayden and Tyson at football practice and decided to run a quick trip to Target. I thought it would be so much easier with just two kids. Oh how wrong I was!!! The two kids wanted everything in sight so sometimes I give them a "toy" to hold on to then quickly take it out of the basket before we reach the cashier. Well London was a bit too smart for this and she ripped the doll out of the box which I didn't know was a $22.00 doll until check out. That is now the most expensive doll she owns and the doll kind of freaks me out by resembling a girl version of Chucky. I was just about to pay and I realized I had to go to the bathroom so bad my eyes were about to turn yellow. I left my basket full and ran to the bathroom with my two kids in tow. I chose the handicap bathroom because it's the only one that will accommodate 3 people at the same time. As I was taking some mom time Wyatt decides he doesn't want to wait for me to finish and opens the bathroom door for all to see. London quickly follows him out. As the two run down the stalls I yell through my wide open door for Wyatt to grab London. Suddenly I hear screams from London. I poke my head out to see Wyatt dragging London by her wrist face down on the floor of the Target bathroom for her to gather every germ that was ever created!!! I freaked out and quickly picked her up and stared bathing her in the bathroom sink. Wyatt suddenly decided that he had to go to the bathroom. I asked him if it was peep or poops. I have a very strict rule about putting toilet paper down on the seat if my kids use a public toilet. He reasurred me that it was peeps so I let him go in by himself. I was halfway through removing the first layer of skin from London when I looked down under the stall and Wyatts feet had disappeared. I told him to open the door right now. The door opened with his pants down around his legs and a toilet seat that was wet, wet with someone elses urine. Now I was at a new level of freak out that I didn't even know was possible. I quickly grabbed him and London and went back into our original family size stall where I proceeded to hold Wyatt over the toilet in a cradle position to avoid any more germs. He was very uncomfortable and kept telling me that he could not poop. I kept trying to convince him that this was the time and he needed to hurry because London was getting curious about the sanitation box. I told him to try one more time and he said he was unsucessful. So I put him down, went back over to the sink and gave everyone one last wash down before we headed out of the bathroom. I was walking down the hall and back to my cart we were passing the security window I happen to catch a glimpse of myself. I had worn my favorite WHITE linen skirt today, (the first time this summer because it has to be ironed and who has time for that?) and I noticed a large green and brown sploch about the size of a mans hand right down the front of my skirt. It looked like a mix of chocolate and green pea baby food. I thought, thats weird I didn't feed London any peas today. Then I realized, it's poop!!!! I am walking down target with poop in the middle of my white linen skirt!!! No matter how hard I tried to tug at my shirt it would not cover the poop. I grabbed my kids and my cart and ran to my car faster then I ran across a finish line of a race. I threw the kids in the car and loaded the groceries in the back. When I went back to buckle Wyatt in his car seat he was holding up his hand which was now covered in the same colored poop as my dress. I asked him in a very loud not so sweet mom voice, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??" He simply responded that he was checking how much poop what in his underpants. I drove home like an indy 500 race car driver, skidded into the garage and tore off Wyatt's and Londons clothes and threw them in the bath tub. I was beginning my dreaded job of scrubbing out everyones clothes, (oh I forgot to mention the poopy diaper that had leaked out on to London's dress) and thinking that my nightmare had come to an end. I was just listening to the laughter of the two little ones when I looked over and yes, you guessed it or maybe you didn't think it was possible but Wyatt had let the rest of his liquid poop out in the bathtub all over the bath toys and his sister.

All I can say is the moral of this story is I will pee my own pants before I ever take my kids into Target's bathroom again. Got to go to bed now because I'm pooped!!!!